I, Frankenstein - Review

When sexy demons are at war with sexy gargoyles, you know only one thing can save humanity, yep that’s right! it’s sexy Aaron Eckhart as Frankenstein’s monster! Oh boy, i’m not even really sure where to start with this film, well perhaps it’s just easier to point out that it’s produced by the same people who made the Underworld series. So for those of you that are still reading imagine a film like Underworld but say on par with Hugh Jackman’s Van Helsing, which has been doused in religious iconography and you’d be close. I, Frankenstein is a bloated bit of nonsense which takes itself way too seriously, never realising that if it had of embracred the trashy nature of the genre, then it could have been at least fun.

So apparently demons have been stalking mankind since, well forever and gargoyles who believe it or not a really angels in disguise keep them in line. Oh sure they skirmish from time to time but basically everyone knows their place. All that changes when Doc Frankenstein’s monstrous creation comes along, with each side attempting to get their hands on him. The angels want him because he’s good at killing demons and the demons want him because they want to build their own undead army using the big guy as a prototype. And to make things even better Frankenstein’s monster is basically invincible so this story takes place over a 200 year period plus he’s got Jason-Bourne-esque fighting skills. It’s all so painfully uninspired like a child’s idea for a story that i kind of can’t be bothered slinging insults at it.

Frustratingly the cast includes the aforementioned Aaron Eckhart, Bill Nighy, Miranda Otto, Jai Courtney and Yvonne Strahovski. Some of which have played prominent roles in some of the biggest film franchises of the past 20 years, yet somehow here they are made to look like C-grade debutants bumbling through each scene. Aaron Eckhart and Bill Nighy have form for these kind of performances, i think i spotted two scenes were Bill Nighy was actually awake, which is a positive. The minute i came out of this film i just wanted to watch Lord of the Rings to see Miranda Otto kicking ass and taking names, instead of what she’s reduced to here. I found myself fantasizing about what a better movie this cast could be off making together, may daydream shattered as i peeked at my watch realising I still had far too much of the dribble to get through which just made me sad. Sigh.

I don’t understand how filmmakers who want to bring a story like this to the big screen can’t emulate the bevy of fantasy films which have come before it. I’m dumbfounded that films like this can get 60 million dollars thrown at them and this is the result. It’s no secret that one of my biggest bugbears is the wasting of resources in order to make a crap film. I worry about what films such as this are doing to the industry. Will those investors pour another 60 million in next time? Maybe but probably not. If the general movie going audience is subjected to terrible films like this, where is the motivation to spend hard earned dollars in the cinema? It’s simply not there and it’s one of the many reasons why people are going to fewer films and why downloading films for free is so attractive, because at least you wouldn’t be paying for them.

From its ludicrous concept, to horrendous trailer and right through to it’s predictable and flaccid ending, I, Frankenstein is no more than a blip on the cinematic radar which will hopefully slip away quietly from public life and never rear its ugly head again. I, Frankenstein unfortunately hits cinemas this Thursday, if for any ungodly reason you see this film and agree or disagree feel free to drop a line below.

- Stu